He Knows

I can’t sleep. My heart is broken in a different kind of way tonight. I have watched my husband be strong for everyone for weeks now. Words of encouragement. Words of advice. Trying to find the positive to protect me and hold at bay my worst fears as a mother. Taking calls and making calls to friends, loved ones and even strangers to answer questions and offer advice. But, for those of us who have been blessed by the strength, the resilience, the courage, the sacrifice and the love of a physician who truly cares about you and others… may I gently tell you that even they have broken days. Your Doctor worries. Your Doctor sometimes can’t fix you. Your Doctor doesn’t always have the answer. Your Doctor prays for you. Your Doctor hurts for you. Your Doctor sheds tears for you. Your Doctor has a family at home but he will never hesitate to be there when you need him…….. even now. And, yes, sometimes even Your Doctor is afraid. I am the wife of a Doctor and tonight I held my husband and listened to those fears. My heart experienced an emotional pain that hurt deeper than any physical wound I have ever felt. He knows what is coming. He knows that it isn’t going to be nothing. He knows the sacrifice that it will demand. He knows that the call will come and he will have to walk away from us in order to protect us. He knows that he will leave me with a heavy load to carry alone at home. He knows that there will be life changing choices that will have to be made and he knows that we will loose loved ones. He knows that this will change him. Change us. HE KNOWS…. and there is nothing I can do but hold him. There are no words to adequately describe the emotional pain we felt together tonight. So, for my husband… for Your Doctor, I plead with you…. please, please listen to the warnings. Please isolate. Please stay home with your families so that Your Doctor, Your Health Care Professionals around the world, and my husband can come home to their families….please!