I had to check ‘YES’

Savannah has been so strong and so brave. Her recovery has not been easy. It has not gone as quickly as she or her Dad and I had hoped. There have been long nights, tears, frustration, new symptoms, unanswered questions and a lingering fear for her future. But, we always seem to be able to run back to the countless miracles and blessings that have accompanied her on her journey over the last 2 months.

Today, before we ring in a New Year, I snapped a picture of my baby girl boldly, fearlessly, and bravely walking, no longer in a wheelchair, into the Children’s Hospital for her follow up imaging. This imaging will show us what remains of ‘Mr. Bad Boy’ (the tumor on her spine) and if there are any other underlying issues of concern that would help explain her lingering pain.

Her Father and I remain truly humbled by the journey this tumor presented us with. The assurance that God is with us and the miracles and tender mercies to back that up. We have no words to describe the pride and the love we have for this little girl. She has faced this trial head on with determination to heal and return to her normal 6 year old world of adventure, creativity and innocence.

So, I wasn’t prepared today. Despite Brannick and I discussing this new reality, I wasn’t prepared to answer ‘YES’ to the question half way down the medical form required before her MRI!

“Have you ever been diagnosed with Cancer?” As I sat alone in a quiet corner with my clipboard and pen, I had to take a deep breath and fight back a determined tear as I checked the ‘YES’ box. I had a flood of emotions. At first it hurt because of the realization that this diagnosis will follow my little girl for her entire life. She will always have to put an ‘X’ in the ‘YES’ box. But then, I felt relief. Relief that despite marking yes to a Cancer diagnosis, my little girl was healthy. She is not in the hospital on the Oncology floor hooked up to a chemo IV pole or laying on a table receiving radiation. There are no planned surgeries for her future at this point. But then, a heavy guilt crept in. Why? Why are we so blessed? Why do we get this Cancer card instead of so many of the others? How dare I be upset or complain of being tired when my blessings are too many to count?

It was an interesting set of emotions to process in my quiet little corner but as I looked back over the completed form and once again read those words, I felt the same assurance that enveloped Brannick and I just weeks ago as we prayed and pleaded with our Heavenly Father for answers and for peace. God is in this. He has a plan for us. He has a plan for our Savannah. And while it may not look the same as someone else’s, and maybe it looks easier than the plan He has for Billy or for the countless other children that fill these hospital rooms…. it is her’s. Sometimes His plan for her hurts. Sometimes there is an abundance of joy. Sometimes tears. Sometimes anger. Sometimes laughter. But, His plan for her was perfectly designed for her growth and her journey and I am going to trust that plan.

‘Yes’ my daughter received a Cancer diagnosis of a Ganglioneuroblastoma Intermixed when she was 6 years old. But, she is a survivor. Her future is bright. Next week she will finally get to return to school where she will run and play and laugh with her little friends after 2 months of being home. She will continue to learn and grow and become the precious daughter of God that He sent her here to be. I am humbled that I was chosen to be her mother. Her mother on the good days. Her mother on the hard days. Her mother to wipe away tears. Her mother to laugh with. Her mother who will sit alone in quiet hospital corners waiting, and the mother who will mark ‘YES’ on many forms to come in her future because it means she is still here, she is healing, she is a fighter, she is a survivor. ‘YES’, because she is mine.

I am once again grateful to my Heavenly Father for this gentle reminder of my blessings and of His love for me and His love for the daughter we share. Savannah’s short 6 years have been filled with love and light, faith and joy. I am grateful she is mine. We will walk into 2021 together where we will face whatever lies ahead on both of our journeys…… together💕

Thank you God for sitting in this quiet hospital corner with me today so that I could have the strength and courage to mark ‘Yes’.